PAT

70's Supermodel Pat Cleveland.  Photograph by Alice Springs via Toninetica

NOW READING

To escape my little cloud of darkness, but also to thoroughly enjoy the art of living, I am reading Still Grazing: The Musical Journey of Hugh Masekela.  I highly recommend it.

HOO SHEM

Urrgh girls like this make me sick.  Sick with a mixture, a potion of pleasure and pain.  I discovered a blog again yesterday while trying to lose myself in the internet.  It's called The Glamourai and it's pretty discusting shem.  I don't even care what it's about, just look at those girls in their clothes.  

TIAAN NAGEL DOT COM

I have had the pleasure of wearing this beautiful dress by Tiaan Nagel, but nqoviously this model does it a litte more justice than I did.   Anywhoo, I received this image in my email inbox today.  It came with the announcement that Tiaan Nagel has a new website.  Vok it's really nice.  Check it out. It took a lot of strength for me not to repost the gajias images photographed by Ross Garett. All so that you could go to the site and see it for yourself.  Plus it's not about the lekker pictures, there is some useful infomation, like how you could get Tiaan to make a garment according to your exact measurements.  

It's a no picture kinda post.

Today I received a really wonderful thing that we are conditioned to covet every day by the magazines and the television and the internet. It's a Louis Vuitton item that is part of a goodie bag I received at a wonderful tea hosted by Marie Claire Magazine this afternoon.  When I opened the bag, my breath was momentarily suspended by the sight of this beautiful mercury silver object that smelled like happiness.  I thought, mmmm I really want this, but wouldn't it make a lovely gift?  It turns out my best friend celebrates her 31st birthday on Thursday and as much as I want this beautiful thing, I think it would make my friend smile that beautiful toothy smile of hers.

Initially this was a hard decision to make because I never have to make such decisions. Naturally, all goodie bag gifts go to me. me. me cos I'm a selfish child that Nana sometimes calls ''Milisukusa'' or ''Miss Milli Bitch''.  Our housekeeper has a special place for all the beautiful paper bags that I receive on a weekly basis.  I look at them, just like I looked at that brown and black Louis Vuitton bag and think mmm, it's nice, all these things are nice, but they only make me temporarily happy, not really truly happy. After all, they are just things. 

When I was a child, I used to think white people must be the happiest people on earth.  They have money, big houses, cars, sweet cabinets, swimming pools, their parents make lunch for them, they go on aeroplanes and miss school while on their overseas holidays and they have straight hair that is not painful to comb every morning.  I was convinced that they were better than us blacks who always seemed to possess an air of entropy even when we were smiling.  Of course I grew up to know the facts of life and that that was almost a win for the apartheid ideology which tried its best to perpetuate that silly notion that white people are better.  Unfortunately, a lot of black people still live lives that might lead them to believe this nonsense, because when you look around, little has changed for white people and only a fraction of black people's lives have been truly transformed.  Anyway, this is not what this blog post is going to be about. Let me get to the point, because it's long. 

So here I am now, honestly living the life I planned for myself.  I am 27 (older people you are welcome to roll your eyes), I have a great career that I have carved out for myself, I have friends that I not only love, but I really like them as human beings and I simply adore my family.  I even have some money at the end of the month, a big apartment, a car, a sweet cabinet, I  occasionally go on an aeroplane to foreign places and I don't have to comb my painful natural hair because I have braids.  There, I have it. The life I thought was the gateway to happiness. I should be happy right?  

Three years ago, I used to walk down Louis Botha from work to my cottage in Norwood and almost everyday, I would to say to myself, ''When I get my licence my life will transform and I will be happy.''  Then I got my licence and the saying changed to ''the day I get a car, I will have achieved my dreams''.  Then I got a car and it became something else that was supposed to guarantee my happiness.  I then learned that life is not about reaching a destination and then sitting back, arms behind your head, reclining in satisfaction.  Those moments are great but they do not last.  

My favourite wise guy, Hugh Prather, puts it best: ''No one becomes permanently comfortable.  Life is not solved.  Like a large hibernating animal, it turns on its belly and once again we have to crawl out from under it.  If we don't move, we die''.  I am at a point where I have reached some of the goals I set for myself two years ago.  But the time has arrived for me to turn on my belly and crawl out from under my comfort zone.  

I have been finding it difficult to maintain the level of motivation that got me here and in my many moments of trying to figure out ''what is wrong'', I realised two things, one practical and one slightly esoteric.  The first thing, I realised while going for a ralk (a run + walk) yesterday.   It is that that two years ago, I was motivated by motivation.  I was motivated and inspired to do things to test myself, to see if I could really achieve something from nothing.  [If you think I am bragging, perhaps you are not getting my angle or perhaps I am not explaining myself well enough.  This is not me ''waxing lyrical'' (gosh I hate that term) about how great I am, in fact, there are many moments where I think ''I am so wack'' that occur every single day.] 

Now that I have seen that I can start something from nothing and get unsolicited recognition as a result, I now realise there is something else that needs to motivate me.  Unfortunately, as a person responsible for a business, this something else to some degree is money.  It's a bit of a contradiction to say I have never been motivated by money because I am involved in a number of businesses, but it's the truth.  Because I got the ball rolling, the ball has got to keep on rolling, payments are due at the end of the month and clothes can't exactly walk over to customers and sell themselves.  This doesn't thrill me, but it's forcing me to grow up and set bigger goals for myself and to find something new to motivate me enough to be excited about waking up everyday. 

I must say, that feeling of excitement when I wake up has escaped me the last couple of months, which leads me to the second ralk realisation:  ''Unbroken happiness is a bore.  It should have ups and downs''. I remember reading this Moliere quote in Half of A Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.  Depression is actually a very natural occurrence in human beings, I don't know why we are told otherwise, or made to feel like there is something deeply wrong with us if we are feeling dark.  I don't want to cut myself or do anything drastic, but I am feeling a bit under the weather and it could be a winter gloom or it could just be some energies that need to be released from my being.  Whatever it is, with trepidation and not really much of a choice, I am embracing it and understanding that it happens to the best of us.  I think the most important thing is to acknowledge it and then try and figure out a way to move from it.  I'm not really ready to make any moves at the moment because I don't have a direction.  I have been advised to keep my mouth a little more closed than I usually would and observe more.  I have stopped my column in the Mail and Guardian, much to the happiness of people like Bongani Madondo who sends me late night SMSes to tell me how terrible I am despite the fact that we have never met nor exchanged numbers.  I stopped because I want to enjoy writing for writing, not because I have a deadline every Monday.  And because I have nothing to say any more, at least while I figure out what's happening.  I wanna try a little bit of shut the hell up for a while and see how that goes.  Yes it's a bit of a luxury to be able to quit an income producing activity on a whim but it's done and I am sure I will learn to improve my skill by the time I am ready to write for that kind of publication again.  

So there, girls and boys.  These are mostly the adventures that occur between the pages of my personal journal.  I am not having the greatest time these days and it's fucking ok!  There are little pleasures (like having written this today) that every single day offers, as much as there are maggots of displeasure.  

And so far, what's come out from under my little dark cloud is that I would like to be in the business of discussing feelings and ideas rather than people and things (Lawd, what will become of this blog I wonder?).  And no this is not some grand announcement of an impending calamity - no moves remember, I am just sharing! This is me just being me. I felt like writing an honest post today.  And the joy of this all?  I know I'm not the only one going through what I'm going through. Mwaha ha ha ha ha ha. Bitchez. Ps Sit down if you think this is a #middleclassproblem.  

AUDREY

COLOUR.BLOCKS

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU TROUSER AND BROGUE

This is why I love winter. Can't wait to layer and wear socks and pleated trousers and oxfords, cardies and tuck ins!  These lovely images are from the EmilyAfrica blog.

BLOG CRUSH: STRANGE AMBITION

There are millions of blog on the blogosphere.  There are thousands that are really cool but few that really tickle the trenches and troughs of my heart.  This particular one just made me laugh and laugh.  This girl is clearly crazy and I wish I could meet her and her cat Peter, who features in most of the posts which are about her exitosis inducing life as a model, photographer, blogger and general busy body.  It's a pity the blog hasn't been updated in forevs, but she is forgiven. So meet Bonnie Strange of Strange Ambition. 

The girl sure likes her fags! By the by, I've quit that shit. 26 days today! Horaah for me. Please god don't let me get into a relationship and be dumped or let somebody i love die because that might just lead me right back to the arroyo of tar and nicotene also known as Malboro Lights. 

TERRY CLAIRE

Look as hard as you can at this cover.  There is nothing wrong with it. In fact, there is everything right with it.    I remember having the age old heated discussion of why these local glossies don't put South Africans, especially black women on their covers with the Fashion Director of Marie Claire last year while we were away together.   Well it seems my ferocious tet-a-tet was not in vain.  I mean they pretty much didn't have a choice after she was made a cast member of the Bold and the Beautiful.   Now watch the rest follow this lead. Nice work Marie Claire. 

Last night I went out and ended up sleeping at a friend's apartment because we made the choice, note my use of the word choice as if it was informed, to instead of go home like everybody else after Great Dane was closed, go to Steers and serenade the kitchen staff with Peabo Bryson's ''A whole new world'' while reading the lyrics off a cellphone.  I am battling to see straight or sit up as a result of going to bed at about 4.30 and waking up to realise that it's a 9 - 5 kind of day. FML. So tonight, I shall get myself a copy of this here magazine and curl up with it. 

OR IS IT A WOODY KIND OF FRIDAY?

If I'm ever on Friends Like These or some sort of quizzy game show where people have to know things about me. Here goes, my favourite director is Woody Allen.  I fucking luff him.  And at the top of the list of his best films is Annie Hall, which is probably my favourite film.  If you haven't seen it, talk to the hand.  Then go and see it and drool at Diane (Annie) Keaton's wardrobe.  For more drool you must watch another one called Play It Again Sam. Damn she looks good. Ok, enough woody wanking.  I am going to watch this tonight. 

I think this is sweet

Who doesn't love Mrs Huxtable aka the beautiful Phylicia Rashad?  I was very happy to discover this on Facebook today.  Last night I spoke to a friend who has been commissioned if one can say that, to write a letter to her 15 year old self.  I would challenge myself to do it right now if I wasn't so hung over.  I'll try it next week. Here is Ms Rashad's:

Dear Phylicia,

Romantic involvement distracts you and can blind you to what’s really in front of you. And what really is in front of you? You are. You don’t even know yourself yet. You think you know and you want to assert that you do, now that you’re a certain age, but you don’t. What’s in front of you is a whole world of experiences beyond your imagination. Put yourself, and your growth and development, first. There are long-term repercussions to what you’re doing now. Everything you do, every thought you have, every word you say creates a memory that you will hold in your body. It’s imprinted on you and affects you in subtle ways—ways you are not always aware of. With that in mind, be very conscious and selective.

With high hopes for you,
Phylicia

WHAT A TIGER!

I know these are not tigers but it sounds much more sexy than ''What a leopard''. 

Winter is upon us. So...

In true MeMeMe style, we are having a little soiree to usher in the next three months of long sleeves, stockings and scarves - all of which we have by the way!

Come through if you're in Jhb next Thursday night for some special deals on the new Winter stuff and 20% off the summer stuff all weekend!  If you're in Cape Town, today is your lucky day. The MeMeMe Cape Town sale starts today and ends on 2 June!

Have a good weekend and hopefully see you gals next week! 

Guess who

The other day

My mother said to me the other day when I was blind to something: ''Listen to my advice, I will never mislead you.'' I didn't even have to think twice, I fully believed her. Then I realised, in this world full of snakes and ladders, there is no one you can trust more than than the one who gave you life. We were never promised justice in this life, but at least we all have known the love of a mother.

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE

Tripping over these trends.

AAAAEEEEE MUST HAVE THESE FESHINS.  

Gosh this is upsetting.  I found these while trawling the net one night, there are way more little trend round ups like this but I didn't want to upset myself further by posting that which I do not have.  At lease I have Yves Klein blue shoes like that, but they are not suede.  And I've already noticed a lot of girls around town wearing chunky necklaces over their shirts - I need to find the perfect shirt.  Then in terms of sunglasses - I would do something shameful to get the pair on the top left hand side with them pearls. And can I get an iPad just to get that croc skin green cover???

LADY WONDERFUL

BANKS

I see you

My sister works at Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University and they just have these on their grounds because the campus is in a nature reserve. She sent me these pics earlier this week. 

UNDER A REST

I've been booked off by my doctor because I party too much. Haaaaa I joke.  I've not been having a good time this week because I'm sick and so have been under a rest.  But last night, opening my birthday presents from my birthday party on Saturday made me reaaaaaal happy.  I love each and everything I received (although it's not all here) and I just had to share these with you guys. Are you smiling?  Thank you my lovely people.  You are wonderful. 

What have you done my brother?

Boys.

LDL