Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I write to you a love letter that's been coming for a while, one that has given me many a sleepless night, but one that I think will ultimately prove cathartic and progressive for me and ultimately you, the people that read this blog once a day, once a week or once a month! I need to take a little break from some elements of my life. I have five jobs, this being one of them and I never intended for that to happen. To the people that follow this blog and read regularly, I'm sure you have noticed that in the past couple of weeks, the posts have been few and far between if not forced.
For the past couple of weeks, my overzealous commitment to the many things that life has to offer has caught up with me. My body and mind are like what the fuck girl, give us a break. I am taking a month's break from writing my column in the Mail &Guardian after 18 months of submitting a column every seven days. In October, there will be none and I have decided that the same should apply for my precious project which I love so much, that would be nothing without the people that read it - my blog. I need to collect some bits of my splintered self, look after the pieces I find, read more, sleep more, think more, explore the world without having the feeling that I have to share everything here or on a social network. I have not been tweeting and facebooking as much because I feel like I have depleted the part of me that forms its own thoughts and own perspective and so, the result of this is a deep desire to replenish my stocks and I don't know what that will entail. What I do know is that a little me time without the pressures of a busy life, will help me figure some things out.
I feel like I need to explain this because I can't carry on half heartedly posting because I don't want to be forgotten or have low hits. That is a bullshit disposition and it's not me. So friends, I will take the next 26 days off and try not to succumb to my cravings of sharing. I think I might also work on changing the structure and look of the blog, making it look more than a hobbie because it's been so much more for my career. I hope to gather more cool shit to share with you and to get to a point where I am producing better content, from a rested and well fed mind. The past 18 months have been amazing for me personally and professionally and I thank whoever is looking after me every day for every little and big blessing.
I also want to thank all the people that bump into me and say hi and some other nice things, and the people that show love on facebook and twitter, it really means a lot to me (And I'm sorry if I've seemed awkward when we meet, the attention is quite discomforting) And of course, the people that stop by for a visit on this blog, my friends overseas and far away who care enough to check up on my happenings and the colleagues and friends that are here and close to me and treat me like absolute gold because you are my friends, you know who you are and I love you deeply. And to my family, I am so happy I chose you guys when it was my soul's turn to pick a family. Thank you for all the support.
I am currently reading a brilliant little book I picked up at the Sandton Hospice shop for R10. It's called Notes on Love and Courage by Hugh Prather. I have no idea who he is but he noted some really wise things in this ''anthology'' of his personal diary notes. Here are a few excerpts I would like to temporarily leave you with. These are the kinds of things I will chew on for the next three weeks.
''Is your first responsibility to yourself? The question is misleading; that is, it misleads the person who takes it to heart. It's like asking, must you shift your weight in order to walk. Of course you must, but anyone who concentrates first on shifting his weight will not walk well''.
''Are there any wholly useless encounters? I know this: there are no insignificant people. There is no one who isn't supposed to be there.''
''We need other people, not in order to stay alive, but to be fully human: to be affectionate, funny, playful, to be generous. How genuine is my capacity for love if there is no one for me to love, to laugh with, to treat tenderly, to be trusted by? I can love an idea or a vision, but I can't throw my arms around it. Unless there is someone to whom I can give my gifts, in whose hands I can entrust my dreams, who will forgive me my deformities, my aberrations, to whom I can speak the unspeakable, then I am not human, I am a thing, a gadget that works but has no ashes.''
I could go on forever. I am okay and I think going through one of those seasonal shifts that are life's little reminders that you are growing. I am grateful. Catch you on the flippety flop!
xoxo
Miss Mil
